I'll finish my training year and take my final exam next year to be through with that and go on with studying medicine.
I checked the deadlines and was proud for not missing them and started the application process. Couldn't be that difficult, could it?
Think again!
I found myself confronted with something that completely overwhelmed me at first. All I ever thought of were some basic details, your wishlist of universities along with a copy of my final report.
I wish!
I obediently filled out all those forms, along with information that I never considered being important though who am I to complain?
`
I reached the section with the special motions and I scarcely ignored that part cause I didn't seem to pitiful for that. Without having a clue, I submitted all that stuff, constantly ignoring that freaking voice inside my head, asking how I might get through medical studies without being able to complete such a stupid form.
I admit, I set my hopes too high. While everyone told me that some universities accepted all their students during the previous years and continue doing so, these were the first ones to turn me down.
Cheers for that!
The first letter seemed quite understandable and I was still fairly positive because four more universities still kept me on their waiting list- One of these glorious institutions even sent me a link, asking to complete another form.
The day came and I cheerfully started completing the thing I was sent. They wanted to know why I wanna be a doctor, where I'd love to work, what I imagine for my future... you name it!
So far so good, I chose my answers as wisely as possible though I was pissed they didn't let me explain my answers and I was keen to make my point clear, no matter what!
They granted me 2 hours to finish it and I remember taking my time with the very last question, feeling somewhat trapped
It said: 'Think of yourself in 25 years. What'll you have reached until then?'
There were those typical choices of what a doctor might become throughout a possible career.
It seemed unfair to me.
What do I choose?
'I'll be happy with whatever I'll be at that time'? Not quite. It could either mean that I don't really care about what I'm doing or that I'm too lazy to work harder to rise and shine as goddess in white. I like that imagination, but let's have a look at the next option.
I think it said something close to 'I'll run my own practice'.
Mhm, sounds quite appealing but as long as I won't end up in a 'Private Practice' somewhere on Ocean Drive where everyone acts as he/she pleases, walks in and out as they please and perform surgeries they're not entitled to, why not?
I'd be happy to start studying, watching fictional characters making it sound so easy while being so overqualified that they must be at least ten years older, but everything is possible, right?
Anyways, to get back to the point, this didn't seem an option because I felt the need to be realistic at once and taking care of old people's colds (Sorry guys!!!) all day wasn't what I had in mind for my future.
So what?
All I was left with seemed a little ambiguous and considering the fact I wasn't given the privilege to justify myself, it didn't leave me that happy.
Being given the choice that basically said 'I'll run your fucking hospital in 25 years' made me think.
I mean, why not? It might say that I'm ambitious and will work hard on whatever crosses my way and that I have an aim I'm trying to achieve. And if that won't work, I'll be happy with the fact that I tried. Of course I didn't have the chance to add the latter.
On the other hand it might say that I'm so convinced of myself that I'll rule the whole thing in no time and be better then anyone else. To make it short, it might make me sound arrogant.
Thinking of some people I already talked to at that point, I was sure they'd think of the second option. Why shouldn't they with being given the right to deny a stranger's future education based on a single answers or words written on a paper.
That actually reminds me of a thing we used to call Basic Law that says it's forbidden to deny education, but unfortunately that excludes universities...
So the second letter arrived and at first glance I had no idea what was going on.
I'll give you one term: Waiting Time! (Makes two words, but never mind...)
I've heard of it before but I never really had a clue what it really way about. That letter said that my Waiting Time is now 0 of 12, so far so good, of 293746374674... what do know.... and then it something with a few more numbers and I was totally confused.
Did I already have waiting time on my account or not? I couldn't tell!
I decided to ask Lord Google for some advice and ended up with a website that was supposed to help others with exactly these questions – that's what their user info said – so I explained my situation in a nutshell.
Two hours later I received an answer from an arrogant, stuck-up twit telling me how stupid I am for not knowing this and that I should've studied more... bla bla bla!
For a second he made me go all psycho and I asked myself just one thing: WHY?!
First of all, I don't think he even got what I was asking for because I didn't ask him to harp on my personal life, so why didn't he just answer my question or kept his mouth shut.
I guess that's because he felt like pointing out that he already got into university, obviously thinking he rules the fucking world from there.
I wish I didn't have to say it, but somehow that shouldn't have surprised me. Most people I asked for help were downright patronizing and disrespectful, telling me how much I failed for not getting in straight away, asking for help.
Excuse me, but who the hell gave you the right to talk to a stranger like this? I think some people need a serious slap around the head...
The problem is – and I wish I didn't have to say this, because there are only a few doctors I'm totally in awe of – that most of them like to forget where they started or what they were before becoming a doctor.
No one wants to know that there were times in which they'd been one of many stupid students. They think they know everything but at the end of the day they'll fail just like anyone else.
To get back to me previous question, I now know that the Waiting Time starts as soon as you finish school.
Is it so hard to include this little piece of information in a single sentence?
The last letter arrived recently, telling me that all other universities – including the one with the nice form – turned me down.
Now, do I start again next year or just wait? I better not ask before someone will bite my head off, you suckers!!!
This is so fucking unfair, seriously.
I worked my ass off during the last 5 years, getting my diploma in Social – and Health Science which included a 12-month internship in a hospital where I did a nurse's job without getting paid AT ALL, not that anyone cared! I spent three years on my educational/teaching training, dealing with other people's spoiled brats and am currently spending my precious time in England and I was told that things like these matter when applying at universities but I didn't even get the chance to mention any of this!
Maybe I should've included a letter, saying:' Excuse me, but I'm certainly way more qualified then 50 % of the scum wasting their time at university, taking away my space without any idea what to do with their lives. Doesn't that matter at all?'
Next time, I mean it.
Despite that, I still didn't get the whole thing of receiving special rights. I do have a disability card, not that I run around, telling people that, but with thinking about that twice, I probably should have. Let's just call it 'illness' to make it short. It's a good thing you can't see it but that doesn't make it easier or gone.
Maybe I'm not disabled enough because you can't see it? Stupid, I know. But for some people, it's the truth. I know someone with a disability affecting the legs – don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this isn't bad and I actually like her, but it's not fair! Anyways, this person got into university, about to start studying something rated similar to medicine.
I'm happy for her, somehow.
What bothers me is the fact that she acts like being the brightest person at all, but she isn't. In fact, I know her final exams were worse then mine, but still she got in.
Wanna know why?
Cause she got a disability card. That's the only reason.
If she'd be mentally affected or had difficulties learning, I'd be the last person complaining but I know she's not that stupid, she was just lazy knowing she'd get in no matter what.
If you ask me, it's not the way it should be, disabled or not. Period.
The whole thing of taking your grades to decide whether you're good enough or not doesn't make sense.
At least 90% of all the things I learned for my abitur won't be of any use, should I ever start studying medicine.
Does it really matter of I got an A in PE? If you wanna be a PE-Teacher, yes. Medicine? Not at all. What kind of reasoning is that?
Excuse me, you got an F in Geography, you're not allowed to study medicine...
Thinking of all doctors I know, a whole lot of them are plainly stupid which makes me wanna ask who they banged to get in...
To be honest, it makes me sad. All I want is being a doctor. I'm glad that I had the chance of meeting a few who showed me how wonderful it can be without being less human. I want to be a doctor because it fascinates me. I love being with people and I love taking care of them. This is all I want and I know I'll be more then passionate about it. Some may ask why I didn't try harder in the first place if this is all I want. Believe me, I did. Though some things aren't as easy as they seem and we can't choose where and who we grow up with.
